i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
