I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
