I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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