There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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