Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
