we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
