i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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