we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
