The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
