I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
