Michael Bay diarrhea
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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