You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
