FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
