So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
