Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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