I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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