the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
