My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
