If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
