What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
