shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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