so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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