Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We have started to decorate penises.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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