..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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