I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize