Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
