i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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