For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
