he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
