Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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