I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
