Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
