you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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