This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
