Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize