New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
