Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
