i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
