you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
