Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
that is very illegal...i love you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
