OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
