Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
