I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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