The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
