i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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