He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
