Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
