you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
