her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
