Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
