Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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