Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
