At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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