Kiss
Puke
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
