I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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