I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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