i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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