I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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