My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
