Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
