How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
