I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
