well you can't waste a boner
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
